3 months already...

I have been thinking about how it has been three months since my second surgery for thyroid cancer.  I'm still not sure I believe I had cancer.  I can't identify with patients who have had chemotherapy, stayed in the hospital for weeks or even months at a time, loosing all my hair or feeling weak and feeble due to the many medications.  What I can identify with is hearing the word cancer and the flood of thought that takes place in your brain the minute the doctor uses it.  I can identify with having so much blood taken you're not sure you are going to have any left and having a scar as a constant reminder that you have battled something horrendous that was wanting to break down your body.  

I am thankful to be a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ as I have gone through this.  I would not have been able to make sense of any of it and the worry and anxiety would have killed me long before the cancer.  How do you make sense of cancer?  Well, what I know is true is that the Lord has a purpose and a plan for my life.  He never promised that plan would be free from disease or trial, in fact he promises we will be tested through trial and can expect it.  That testing will grow our faith and develop perseverance.  I actually like the word long-suffering instead of perseverance.  It paints a better picture of what it means to push through.  It may be long and we may suffer.  My battle with cancer is not a closed book.  I would be foolish to dismiss it and continue with my life as if it never happened. I can count on more doctor appointments and blood tests.  Only the Lord knows if it will return again and there will be the need for more surgery or radiation.  

I have been encouraged by a book titled The Cup and the Glory by Greg Harris.  It wiped out my old perspective on suffering and gave me a fresh look at it.  Really I haven't suffered - Christsuffered on the cross when he was crucified and took on the sins of the world so that we wouldn't have to pay for them ourselves.  He knew it was not going to be easy, He knew it would be painful, He asked for "the cup" to be taken from Him.  But it wasn't and He SUFFERED.  I have not suffered to the extend Christ did, but the sliver of suffering I have experienced allows me to understand and to identify with my Lord and Savior.  It makes me honor Him more and fall before Him in humble gratitude for what He did for me. So I'm thankful for cancer.  I really am! Anything that draws me closer to the Lord and fixes my gaze solely on Him I am thankful for.

And I'm thankful for all of you, friends and family, who prayed for me and encouraged us greatly as we navigated the rough terrain. I was taught how the body of Christ loves one of its members and seeks to hold them up through the suffering.  Matt and I joked on our wedding day that it will be a long time before we felt so loved again.  We were wrong.  Just two years later we had love heaped on us in healthy servings.  My cup runneth over again as I think about it, just like it did 3 months ago.