A lesson while laying still

Sometimes I find when I am still and give the Lord my thoughts He speaks to me and reminds me of His promises.  

What do I mean? 

Well, it's not that I hear voices in my head or have to put myself in some kind of trance.  I just pray, set my mind on things from God's word and push aside the distractions of my day.  

[Being still has become challenging with a toddler]

A moment with the Lord came unexpectedly a couple of weeks ago.  I arrived at USC for my annual appointment with the imaging center to undergo an ultrasound to make sure my neck is still clear of cancer.  Alan, the imaging tech who is usually talkative, was unusually quiet.  So I was left alone with my thoughts and no one to run after for 30 solid minutes. I am thankful I chose to pray and focus on the Lord instead of making mental lists for all I had going on.  I began to pray for Alan and thank the Lord for 4 healthy years. Then I began to think about things I know to be true about the Lord.  

He is Sovereign.

He is Good.

He is Mighty and Awesome.

He planned every moment of my life from before time began.

He controls cancer.

And then it hit me... the lesson

But I have to give you some back story

If you and I had ever had a conversation about my bout with thyroid cancer, you may have heard me say something like... "I just had 2 surgeries and I didn't have chemotherapy or radiation. They say it's the best cancer to have.  End of story."

Let me share what was going on in my heart when those words came out.  I was really saying

"Please don't think I am anyone special for having survived cancer.  Don't put me in the same category as those who underwent rounds of chemo, lost their hair, were sicker then they could have ever imagined, spent weeks in the hospital...I don't deserve it the 'cancer survivor' label. I didn't earn it"

During this recent quiet time with the Lord, I realized this was wrong thinking.  I do believe those who have battled cancer in the true sense of the word are in a different category than me. But my thinking is wrong because it doesn't accurately reflect what I know about God. My explanation put the focus on me, my doctors, and my simplistic perspective of a dangerous disease.

I believe that God in His wisdom chose for me to get a cancer that is easily treated with surgery and no option of chemotherapy.  That He placed me in the care of a doctor who decided that radiation was not necessary. To keep my hair and spend just 4 days in the hospital.  Just like He could have chosen for this cancer to take my earthly life. He is Sovereign.

I am sorry.

I am sorry I didn't accurately reflect what I believe to be true.

What will I say in the future?

Yes, I had cancer.  I am so thankful that the Lord in His infinite wisdom chose a path for me that was easily treated...even when it appeared a second time. But even if He chose a different path for me, I would still be praising Him. I want what He wants for me.

How about you? Do you believe that God plans all things for our good and His glory?